Saturday was perfect.

Oh, here's just a ton of pictures. This weekend was lovely. The only thing missing was my husband. We had sunshine, a cool breeze, sidewalk chalk, neighbors, friends, grilled hotdogs, birthday celebrating, and intentional relaxation. Amazing.

Levi took sidewalk chalk drawing very seriously.

He has a thing about dirty hands lately.

Our neighbor came outside, so Levi showed him how to draw on the sidewalk.

All in all, it was a fantastic weekend. I wish Matt was here, but he will be home in approximately 3 hours. :) I had an amazing birthday. Thank you to everyone who made a point to post on my wall, send me a text or e-mail, call, or wish me a happy birthday in person.

Life is good.

-ktw

Im tired.

So I know I have to post tonight. I'm tired and feeling unmotivated, so here are some bullet points about my day:

* Levi has cried every single day this week when leaving him at daycare. It kills me inside. This morning was the worst as he was crying, "No mama! Gock! Gock!" (Which means go on a walk). I tried explaining that any other morning I would rearrange everything for a Gock, but he didn't understand the urgency of my morning appointments. It was gut wrenching.

* What stunk even worse was that I won't see him until tomorrow morning. I taught my first class tonight, so my Dad and Bert picked him up and played with him till bed time.

* I leave for vacation 3 weeks from MONDAY!!!!!!! Matt is off work for 2 whole weeks and we are ecstatic!

* My first class was fun. I gave myself a headache after 3.5 hours of class and dismissed them with an assignment. Seriously, who designed a 4.5 hour class on a Friday night?

* We had a crew of teenagers from the middle and high school come to the church to do work for "Global Youth Service Day." They were all very sweet and did a great job and a ton of work! Yay!

* Tomorrow Levi and I plan to walk to the little league park to see all sorts of cousins and friends in their little league "parade" and maybe catch a game. Levi apparently went to a game with my dad tonight and LOVED it. Good times!

Sad bullet points:
* A friend's baby is in the PICU with pneumonia. I feel awful. :( It's gotta stink to see your baby all sick and helpless. I'm sending so many prayers he way.

* A very dear family friend passed away last night. It was sudden but not unexpected. It's going to be a long road of mourning for his family and mine as well as our congregation.



I will close with this random tidbit- Target "grocery store" is like a black hole. I go for some groceries and inexpensive milk and leave with a new pair of sandals for Levi and other random "end cap" clearance items. Le Sigh. They get me every time.

night!

-ktw

Curbside-to-go and some Yankees.

Yup, it's a hot date night for us before Matt goes out of town. Matt's playing his guitar at the moment, so I wanted to take a minute to write (see, it's gotta be like day 5 by now, right?) and recap a little story from this morning.

So I'm driving Levi to daycare and I come to a red light. There's 1 car in front of me that is just a bit too close for me to slide next to and take a right. Whatever, I'm not in a huge rush. Well, apparently the car that pulled up behind me was because the kid (eh, he was probably my age, but we'll call him a kid) driving starts honking and waving his arms. When I look in the mirror and try to use "international rear view mirror driver sign language" to tell him that the car in front of me is in the way... he flipped me off. Now listen, I know Levi is still to young to know what that means. And heck, he can't even see far enough over the back seat to even see the driver behind us. But that, that just made me mad. So, what did I do? I gave the man a hearty thumbs down. In cases like these I generally think it's better to just use shame.

Anyway, the car in front of me hears the honking and tries to move out of the way so I inch up a bit. Dude! The kid behind me gets right up on my bumper. Really? It's not going to help me take a right so please chill. He's still back there waving his arms and yelling and, at this point, I'm fairly certain he will probably have a heart attack from all the commotion.

Soon enough, the light changes and I took a right. He follow. Closely. We quickly come to another red light where he rests comfortably right up on my bum. Once the light changes, he slams on the gas and squeals around me, staring at me the whole way as if to prove some point about my inefficient driving.

As Karma would have it, the light about 50 yards up was red too. And if you think I didn't get a chuckle as I mumbled to myself, "race ya to the red light," well, then you'd be wrong. When that light turned green he squealed off again, presumably to terrorize some other car.

I couldn't help but wonder, what is so important? Maybe he had a partner in labor somewhere? Maybe he really had to go to the bathroom? My intuition says nah, he was just in a hurry. Why? Because I've been that guy. I don't flip people off or ride up on their bumper (because I'm scared of rear ending someone mostly) but I do often get all worked up and yell and flail like a fool over things of little importance- including someone not turning fast enough. You know, because the 45 seconds I have to wait really do make a difference.

The whole exchange, which may have lasted all of 2.5 minutes, made me think of a John Ortberg quote: "Be the kind of player people want to sit next to." (From, "When the game is over it all goes back in the box") Sometimes, though I'm not proud of it, I'm really not the kind of player I'd want to sit next to. I'm sure that boy behind me has good qualities- though flipping off a car, in the direction of a toddler, over a slow right turn probably isn't one of them.

Moral of the story? Still figuring it out. Slow down? Be nicer? Take the plank out of your own eye? You decide. Oh, and read some John Ortberg while your at it.

-ktw

I'll just publish this one instead.

I just wrote a very whiny post about Matt going away this weekend. I saved it as a draft and probably won't post it.

In reality, I need to appreciate that he has a job. That it's a good job. And that we are taken care of, have insurance, etc. I need to understand that there are people who have much worse situations.

Does it kind of suck to have him gone on my birthday... again? Does it kind of suck that he has worked late every night this week and will work late again tomorrow night? Sure. Am I entitled to being a bit whiny? Maybe.

But, in the long run, it's really not a big deal. In the grand scheme of things, it's sort of silly.

So, I'm a bit whiny but I'm getting over it. I am teaching my first class Friday. I'm going to enjoy dinner with the girls and meeting up with friends on Saturday. Sunday will be church, lunch with my family, and the youth. I'll be busy, I'm hoping Levi will be happy, and Matt will be in New Jersey. Not Afghantistan or in the hospital or something else that's much worse than having a husband who occasionally needs to leave for 3.5 days to sell the heck out of some t-shirts.

Yep, I think I will leave the complaining post unpublished. It's just not the sort of thing I need to be putting out there. No one wants to be around a Debbie Downer. ;)

On Sunday I will be the big 2-6. Woot! I'm going to enjoy this weekend. I'm also going to enjoy some sort of celebration with that husband of mine. Whenever we get around to it!

-ktw

Some sentences about life.

I didn't write yesterday, sue me. ;) I went out on a work date last night and there was no internet. I guess it's better anyway because I would have spent more time on facebook and blogging that I would have on finishing my lesson plans! I did get my lesson plans finished, though so ya'll should be proud of me. I guess I'll just tack on an extra day to my "month of blogging." Whatev.

Anyway, today was a pretty normal day. That is, with the exception of a potentially amazing opportunity presenting itself to Matt and I. We have been praying and hoping for a new, forever house and will go tomorrow to talk to some people about possibly getting one. That's really all I can say at this point because it's really preliminary and in the very beginning stages. Sorry if it's annoying when people do that, but I'd love your prayers if you think of them.

It was over 80 degrees today for the first time in, what seemed like, forever! I picked Levi up from daycare early-ish and went to my dad's to let him run around in the back yard and play on the swings. He was dripping sweat, bright red in the face, with hair looking like a mad scientist. Haha. He wouldn't drink much water for me, but he drank 4 full cups of milk. GAG! I can't imagine drinking milk in heat, but I'm not much for milk anyway. Whatever, it kept him hydrated. We stayed to have some pizza with my dad, Bert, and Zach.

After tubby-time and potty time it was bed time. Phew! Now it's Yankees time and I'm off. Oh, but not without an adorable picture from Easter. Y'all this is too cute for me to handle. When did my baby become a little man? :(



It was a nice, normal day. Nothing out of the ordinary, nothing too stressful. Just a day to get some work done, enjoy the changing seasons, and enjoy my family. Pretty good day. I'm really going to enjoy this summer!

He is Risen Indeed!

I wanted to get all deep and spiritual for an Easter post, but if I'm being honest most of my entries lately have been deep and spiritual. Haha. Aside from that, today was just too much for be to really write anything too profound. I did, however, learn and important lesson today: I can only push Levi so far before I totally set him up for behavior disaster. AKA- sometimes, when Levi is acting out, I feel totally awful because it's really my fault. :(

Back story: Thursday was our seder dinner, which ended around 7:30. We got Levi home and in bed by 8. Only about an hour late, so not too bad. Friday, the service didn't even start until 8. He went to bed at 9. Both nights he woke up around normal time (7-730) thus, not making up the lost sleep. Saturday night we dyed eggs after youth group and got him home around 9 again. Only, this morning, he woke up at like 6:30!!! He proceeded to take a 1 hour nap during church and wake up in a total funk.

We went to Easter lunch where there were about 40 people and he just wanted to go outside and play in the mud. I really fought it at first, not wanting him outside as it was off-and-on drizzling and kind of swamp-like in areas of the yard. We changed him into jeans and gave in shortly as it was going to be easier to clean him (yeah, he turned the tub gray tonight) than listen to him shreak and watch him throw himself on the ground all afternoon.

He barely ate, he whined, he laid on the ground and cried. It was awesome. It was my fault.

I know Levi needs sleep. I've always known that. For Levi to be at his optimal self he needs 12 hours + at night and 2 hours + for a nap. He's always been a sleeper and, more importantly, he's a schedule kid. He needs that and I didn't put his needs first. It's a hard balance. Next year? If he's still a sleeper we will definitely get an at-home sitter for the later evening services. Live and learn I suppose, eh?

Positives of the weekend? Levi peed on the potty 6 times Saturday!! He only missed twice. That's pretty awesome! He still doesn't tell us, or go to the potty on his own, but does seem to let us know he needs a new diaper pretty quickly. I'm pretty excited at the prospect of a diaper free house. I know one of these days I need to just bite the bullet and have a few consecutive "no diaper" days and it will happen. He's a smart kid and appears to have made the connection pretty quickly. We'll see.

Hopefully I will be posting some Easter (and South Carolina) photos very soon!

-ktw (day 2, a success!)

Mission accomplished...?

There's something very satisfying, in a non-prideful way (I hope), about pouring yourself into something and finding out that it touched others in a meaningful way. Last year, Matt and I spent about 3 weeks planning a new Good Friday service. It was a bit of a gamble as it was quite different than the previous Good Friday services, and really any other church service we have. Now, not many people usually come to our service on Good Friday anyway, so last year about 25 or 30 people attended. Those who were there really seemed to enjoy it and it made me so happy to know that my style of worship resonated with people.

Cut to this year. My dad allowed me to also work with the Ash Wednesday service to tie the full Lenten season together. Matt and I worked together (as we actually do very well ;) ) and developed an experiential service for Ash Wednesday that focused on "tangible" prayers. We had various stations throughout that sanctuary that encouraged participants to meditate on an area of their lives. There was a station with clay that asked everyone (while playing with the clay) to imagine what their lives would be like if they truly allowed God to mold them the way He saw fit. Then they prayed asking God to soften their hearts and mold them. There were 3 other stations like that (Water, Oil, Ashes).

The final station asked each person to select a stone and write on it one thing in their life that they'd like to work on during the season of Lent. Personally, mine was bitterness. That's probably another blog post in itself. I carried my stone around with me everywhere. It often reminded me (although not always in time) to try to respond more kindly to those I disagree with. I hope it continues to remind me that I can't carry those disagreements into feelings of resentment that sometimes make me a not so fun person to be around.

This past week Matt and I reworked last year's Good Friday service to include some songs that were more meaningful to us, and include time for everyone to bring their stones up front and leave them at the foot of the cross.

Last night about 70 people showed up for service. So many of them shared such positive things about their experience in the service, including our (older) very traditional assistant pastor who told me that it was both "moving and reverent," and another stoic man who said, "thanks for making me cry!" I told him, "Mission accomplished, I don't consider it a good service unless people leave crying." Haha.

Anyway, I guess what this whole post is about is that to know that you were able to facilitate others into a meaningful experience of Good Friday is somewhat indescribable (which is probably why I've spent most of the time in this post rambling about logistics).

It is also very encouraging to know that maybe this style is something Matt and I need to continue to work on. There aren't a lot of areas in our lives or ministries where we are able to work together on the same level. I sometimes sing back-up for worship, he sometimes leads at youth, but overall those are more "supporting" roles. For this, we both brought our talents to the table and worked together. It's kind of an amazing feeling.

Denise will probably tell me that I always write sermons in my blog. And, well, I kind of just can't help it. Ha!

I hope sincerely that you have a meaningful Easter weekend, whatever that looks like. For now, my small boy has just gotten out of the shower and is running around naked. I guess that's my cue.

-ktw




p.s. I'm hoping this is the start of a "blog challenge" where I commit to blog every day for a month. We'll see how that goes. ;)

stream of {random} consciousness.

I’m sort of feeling like a bad mom today. I realized that, although we have gotten well over 3 feet of snow in the last month, I have no pictures of my child in it. Even worse? He hasn’t been out in it. What kind of North East US winter childhood is that? The issue is that he doesn’t have any snow gear, and although I keep meaning to go get him some, I keep forgetting. We are scheduled to get some more (a small amount) snow this Saturday night and again next Tuesday. So, I am making a (small, possibly silly) goal of getting Levi out in some fresh snow and having some evidence to show for it! I’m not sure how much more snow we will get now that it’s February, so if the snow suits/boots aren’t on sale, I will probably buy them too big and just let him swim in them this year. I’m kind of cheap like that. ;)

I personally love snow. I know a lot of people are sick of it, but I don’t mind it. It’s not nearly as much fun when you don’t get a snow day, though. I found that out this week! Grown up jobs are kind of lame. I am starting to think I’m getting Winter Blahs- different than the Winter Blues. I need some sunshine and fresh air! I only wish there was a way to hang out outside in the pretty snow without being super cold. Egh. It doesn’t help that it was gray/dark for most of the last 2 weeks, so, even though I sit in front of 2 large windows, I’m not getting any natural light.

Speaking of grown up jobs, I’m starting to wonder what I’m going to do once I’m done with school. I have all sorts of dreams, ideas, and plans. Unfortunately, the ones that I think would be the most fulfilling are the most uncertain. It’s difficult to balance the fact that my family needs some financial security with the fact that I have a vision for what I want to do, and feel I have a calling on my life, that doesn’t promise stable (or really even a lot) of money. It’s difficult to think, “Well, if I take this job where I sit at a desk 5 days a week, I could buy a new house by the end of the year. But… if I follow my “calling” full time, I may not be in a house, in a better school district and with room for a larger family, any time soon.” It’s something I’m struggling with a lot lately. I’ve been in school for about 23 straight years and, although I’ve held a job for most of the last 10 years, none of them have been “careers”. Now that I am facing that time, the time when my PhD should be coming to an end, I’m having a bit of an identity crisis.

I know for a fact that I don’t want to go immediately into being a professor. I just don’t want to be a part of academia right now. I need a break. So, at least I have that settled for me. I wouldn’t mind being a teacher in a smaller, more hands on setting. I would really like to do ministry full time. I could be a pretty good applicant for a high-paying office job. I guess I should just throw some eggs into each basket (apply around) and let God take care of my path. In a perfect world, I would become a Church (and/or Religious Media/Organization) consultant, make enough money to comfortably (and reliably) support my family, and be able to continue to serve in the areas of Youth and Social Justice in Cohoes.

Growing up, the adults in my life didn’t have traditional jobs. My parents were pastors and my, old enough to be a grown-up, sister was an accountant. All I knew of life was that adults got jobs where they could go on vacation for 2 weeks at a time, that one of my parents could take me to an appointment at any time of day, and that someone was home when I got off the school bus. My best friend’s mom growing up was a dance studio owner, so I never met reality there either. It wasn’t until I got pregnant that I started to wonder, “What do people with real jobs do with their kids during summer?” I realized just how clueless I was.

My reality is that I may need a 40-hour a week job. I know that isn’t the end of the world, but it would mean less time with my family and less time available for ministry. Basically, I have to leave this one up to someone other than me. I need to trust that if I put in the work, God will take care of the rest.

Now that this post has transformed into a rambling diatribe on everything and nothing, I’ll be done. Ooh, but coming up? My 101 in 1001 list. One of my goals is to blog every day for a month- aren’t y’all in for a treat! :)