Sometimes I am so curious about how Matt and I ever ended up together. We are very different people, and I think that's the reason why we actually work well together. Our biggest difference has to be in our time management. Matt is a wonderful father, a devoted husband, all of those great things, but a planner? He is not. I, on the other hand, get delight from making lists of the lists I need to make. And then making those lists and carrying them with me everywhere. In fact, without a calendar and notebook of lists, I don't think I'd get anything done. Matt's lack of planning has become an endearing quality, though it wasn't always that way. It used to frustrate me to no end that he never had an answer for questions like, "What time is Christmas dinner at your moms?" or that he was regularly a few minutes late for things. He doesn't rush and he doesn't bother himself with the stress of planning. Which I guess works for some people, but not for me!
My favorite example of Matt's spur-of-the-moment style is his proposal, where he decided on random April morning that he would propose... that day. Lucky for him he was using his mother's ring and didn't have to wait. He also didn't realize that it was APRIL FOOL'S DAY!!! My father had to tell him when he went that morning to ask permission! He still asked that day anyway. But really, how perfectly does that scenario fit his personality?!
Today we have to go to one of his friend's housewarming party. He told me last night that it went from 5-8pm, so we would run late morning and get ready and head out around dinner time. So, imagine my surprise when I went to look for the address on the e-mail invite (that only Matt got) and it said (in big letters) between Noon & 5. Hahaha. All I could do was laugh.
His style is so different from my own and I am thankful for that. I don't think I could have married someone as Type A as me. Matt reminds me to slow down and not take things so seriously. I have learned not only to love him in spite of lateness and non-planning, but to love him because of those things. Because they make me a better person, and they certainly make us a less stressed couple.
He is going to be my picture for Day 7. Once I get up and get going. We have forgone the lists and the busy to-dos today and enjoyed coffee and bagels in bed while playing with Levi. I have it good.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Friday, December 4, 2009
Day 6.
I kind of failed today. I knew the person I wanted to call all day, and kept trying to call. However, the afternoon was a bit rough. It can be summed up by saying that Levi's usual 2 hour afternoon nap (which is my only time to get things done) only lasted 35 minutes. He is apparently revolting against sleep today, he didn't fall asleep for good until 10 45!!! Anyway, between him and the Christmas decorating night at church it was too late to call when I got home. So, instead I sent a text telling them I would be calling tomorrow. Bah! I tried anyway.
Tomorrow will be grateful phone call and the completion of workout week 1! Woot!
Tomorrow will be grateful phone call and the completion of workout week 1! Woot!
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Day 5. Thankful for Things.
Take five minutes to write about how grateful you are for all of the wonderful things that you currently have in your life. Don’t long for what you don’t possess—instead, take stock of all the blessings you already enjoy.
I am very grateful for the "things" I am able to own. I don't have a ton, but I also don't want for much. I have a house and a car, furniture to sit on, a cell phone, a lap top, a tv, and all sorts of stuff that I have accrued over the years. I don't really have a lot to say about these things, except that I am grateful that I have what I need and many of the things I want. Matt and I are in no way rich, but we are able to live comfortably. I do find myself "wishing" I could have other/more things, new clothes mostly, and often spend more money than I should on random stuff (especially at Target). I think this is one thing I'd like to get out of this challenge, to just be satisfied with what I do have. Simplify. If I could do that I'd save myself a lot of money, and have a lot more room in my house!
I am very grateful for the "things" I am able to own. I don't have a ton, but I also don't want for much. I have a house and a car, furniture to sit on, a cell phone, a lap top, a tv, and all sorts of stuff that I have accrued over the years. I don't really have a lot to say about these things, except that I am grateful that I have what I need and many of the things I want. Matt and I are in no way rich, but we are able to live comfortably. I do find myself "wishing" I could have other/more things, new clothes mostly, and often spend more money than I should on random stuff (especially at Target). I think this is one thing I'd like to get out of this challenge, to just be satisfied with what I do have. Simplify. If I could do that I'd save myself a lot of money, and have a lot more room in my house!
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Day 4, a little late!
So tonight my wedding ring fell off. Somewhere between running on the treadmill in my dad's basement and going home to get in the shower I lost my wedding band. I spent the last few hours looking for it to no avail. Tearing apart my bags, levi's bags, and my car. Going back to my dad's house, searching the ground. Nothing. Boo. Please pray that it turns up with the new day. I'm really bummin about this. Anyway, on to gratitude day 4.
Write a short message of thanks for some of the “negative” things in your life.
I have been thinking ahead to this post since I first saw it on the calendar last week. I have a lot of "negative" things to choose from, i guess, but who doesn't? Today I am going to focus on some of the negatives of relationships, and why I can be thankful for them.
My parent's marriage was far from perfect. There was a lot of fighting in my family, though I don't think my parents (or my family in general) were more unhappy than most others, I think we just expressed it more loudly than most would! My parents argued a lot, mostly about money. I remember when I was in high school the day that my mom told me she wanted to practice loving my father more fully, she wanted to put him first and speak lovingly to him. She worked really hard on it, and I noticed a great change in their marriage after that. But, in a way, I am thankful for the loud, fighting family I come from. It has taught me a few things. 1- That I don't want my family to be a fighting one. Matt and I decided early on in our relationship that we didn't want to scream and yell at each other when we fight. We haven't always followed through on that, but we strive all the time to be "better fighters". 2- Expressing your feelings and hurts is a really good thing. Even if my family didn't do a great job on their delivery, I can say that they rarely held their feelings in. This is a positive trait I have brought into my own marriage.
I am also thankful for the arguments that Matt and I have. When I say argument, I don't mean to imply angry fights, name calling, or anything of that nature. Instead, most of our arguments begin with, "Hey ______, there's something I need to talk to you about." While we both try to be understanding of eachother, the thing I am most grateful for from our arguments is what comes after. If we never aired our issues, we would be living superficially. An authentic, genuine relationship requires that you care enough to "get into it". If I didn't care about bettering my marriage, then I wouldn't even bother, because discussions (or arguments) often take time and energy when both are in short supply. But I am grateful that Matt and I both want to put in the work on our marriage, I am grateful that we work on listening and understanding, and I am grateful for the growth that occurs through our rough spots.
What "negative" things in life are you grateful for? We all have tough moments that have cause growth, doors shut in our face that shook a new one open... take time to find something positive in even your hardest time.
*******************************************************
In other news, Matt and I ran Week 1, Day 2 of C25K. I was a bit sore in the calves from Monday's run, but actually feel better now than I did before the run. I also tried to do extra stretching before and after. Hopefully that helps!
ktw
Write a short message of thanks for some of the “negative” things in your life.
I have been thinking ahead to this post since I first saw it on the calendar last week. I have a lot of "negative" things to choose from, i guess, but who doesn't? Today I am going to focus on some of the negatives of relationships, and why I can be thankful for them.
My parent's marriage was far from perfect. There was a lot of fighting in my family, though I don't think my parents (or my family in general) were more unhappy than most others, I think we just expressed it more loudly than most would! My parents argued a lot, mostly about money. I remember when I was in high school the day that my mom told me she wanted to practice loving my father more fully, she wanted to put him first and speak lovingly to him. She worked really hard on it, and I noticed a great change in their marriage after that. But, in a way, I am thankful for the loud, fighting family I come from. It has taught me a few things. 1- That I don't want my family to be a fighting one. Matt and I decided early on in our relationship that we didn't want to scream and yell at each other when we fight. We haven't always followed through on that, but we strive all the time to be "better fighters". 2- Expressing your feelings and hurts is a really good thing. Even if my family didn't do a great job on their delivery, I can say that they rarely held their feelings in. This is a positive trait I have brought into my own marriage.
I am also thankful for the arguments that Matt and I have. When I say argument, I don't mean to imply angry fights, name calling, or anything of that nature. Instead, most of our arguments begin with, "Hey ______, there's something I need to talk to you about." While we both try to be understanding of eachother, the thing I am most grateful for from our arguments is what comes after. If we never aired our issues, we would be living superficially. An authentic, genuine relationship requires that you care enough to "get into it". If I didn't care about bettering my marriage, then I wouldn't even bother, because discussions (or arguments) often take time and energy when both are in short supply. But I am grateful that Matt and I both want to put in the work on our marriage, I am grateful that we work on listening and understanding, and I am grateful for the growth that occurs through our rough spots.
What "negative" things in life are you grateful for? We all have tough moments that have cause growth, doors shut in our face that shook a new one open... take time to find something positive in even your hardest time.
*******************************************************
In other news, Matt and I ran Week 1, Day 2 of C25K. I was a bit sore in the calves from Monday's run, but actually feel better now than I did before the run. I also tried to do extra stretching before and after. Hopefully that helps!
ktw
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Day 3
Write about something you feel grateful for in your life today.
There are so many things I am grateful for in my life. It's really quite difficult to pick just one thing to focus on. I'm going to have to go really forest (you know, as opposed to trees?) and say I am so thankful for the people that have made their way into my life. It's really strange how throughout our lives we assume we know the "end of the story". You know what I mean, in elementary school you plan to get an apartment with your best friend. In high school you plan to marry the boy you've been dating 3 weeks. In college, you decide where you'll be working, living, raising a family. But isn't it funny how those plans can change, either suddenly or gradually, sometimes without warning or us even noticing. Sometimes they change because we choose for them to. Sometimes because we have no choice. If you had asked me 5 years ago where I would be and who I would be friends with I never could have predicted this outcome. In fact, 5 years ago at this time my life was in a sort of upheaval. It turned out to be the turning point in a life I thought I had planned out perfectly. Ha! My life looks nothing like what I had imagined then and I couldn't be happier.
So here are the people I am thankful for, in no particular order.
College: Kevin & Tara. There aren't a ton of people I keep in touch with from college, but Kevin and Tara I hope to stay friends with for a very long time. Kevin has been the most academically influential person in my life to date. Tara is my twin, and the most spiritually influential person in my life to date.
Friends: Abigail, Amy, Louisa & Jon, Denise & Cat, Crystal & Lucio. AKA, the Saturday night crew. I look forward to every time we are able to get together and always leave feeling positive about life. Scrabble with friends makes my heart happy!
Family: Dad & Bert, Gina & Randy. Both have sacrificed and worked hard to help me along in life. I could never thank you all for how much you have helped me (and Matt) out through the years.
Christian, Bekah, Timothy, Zach. You have all taught me different things throughout my life. I so wish I saw everyone more regularly, but I love when we are all together, no matter how chaotic. I hope you all know how much I love and appreciate you!
Levi. Levi has taught me a whole new way to love. He has taught me patience. He has allowed every experience to become new again, somehow things are more exciting when they are a "first". Like today was Levi's first time "seeing" snow!!!
Matthew. I joke with my youth group girls all the time about how I "picked" Matt and they should be careful choosing. ;) Truth be told, Matt is everything I always needed but never knew. He has always supported and encouraged me to follow whatever dream I have, he is the most amazing father, and a perfectly imperfect partner.
5 Years ago, many of these people wouldn't have been on my list. But today I am thankful for those that have been put in my life, each of them blesses me in a unique way on a daily basis.
Thank you!
There are so many things I am grateful for in my life. It's really quite difficult to pick just one thing to focus on. I'm going to have to go really forest (you know, as opposed to trees?) and say I am so thankful for the people that have made their way into my life. It's really strange how throughout our lives we assume we know the "end of the story". You know what I mean, in elementary school you plan to get an apartment with your best friend. In high school you plan to marry the boy you've been dating 3 weeks. In college, you decide where you'll be working, living, raising a family. But isn't it funny how those plans can change, either suddenly or gradually, sometimes without warning or us even noticing. Sometimes they change because we choose for them to. Sometimes because we have no choice. If you had asked me 5 years ago where I would be and who I would be friends with I never could have predicted this outcome. In fact, 5 years ago at this time my life was in a sort of upheaval. It turned out to be the turning point in a life I thought I had planned out perfectly. Ha! My life looks nothing like what I had imagined then and I couldn't be happier.
So here are the people I am thankful for, in no particular order.
College: Kevin & Tara. There aren't a ton of people I keep in touch with from college, but Kevin and Tara I hope to stay friends with for a very long time. Kevin has been the most academically influential person in my life to date. Tara is my twin, and the most spiritually influential person in my life to date.
Friends: Abigail, Amy, Louisa & Jon, Denise & Cat, Crystal & Lucio. AKA, the Saturday night crew. I look forward to every time we are able to get together and always leave feeling positive about life. Scrabble with friends makes my heart happy!
Family: Dad & Bert, Gina & Randy. Both have sacrificed and worked hard to help me along in life. I could never thank you all for how much you have helped me (and Matt) out through the years.
Christian, Bekah, Timothy, Zach. You have all taught me different things throughout my life. I so wish I saw everyone more regularly, but I love when we are all together, no matter how chaotic. I hope you all know how much I love and appreciate you!
Levi. Levi has taught me a whole new way to love. He has taught me patience. He has allowed every experience to become new again, somehow things are more exciting when they are a "first". Like today was Levi's first time "seeing" snow!!!
Matthew. I joke with my youth group girls all the time about how I "picked" Matt and they should be careful choosing. ;) Truth be told, Matt is everything I always needed but never knew. He has always supported and encouraged me to follow whatever dream I have, he is the most amazing father, and a perfectly imperfect partner.
5 Years ago, many of these people wouldn't have been on my list. But today I am thankful for those that have been put in my life, each of them blesses me in a unique way on a daily basis.
Thank you!
Monday, November 30, 2009
Day 2- An Alphabet of Gratitude
(Sorry this is so late! I was working on it on paper earlier today, but Levi was in some sort of mood and we I wasn't able to get on my laptop till now!)
A- Abigail, no really! I love my sissy-la-la and hate when she's gone too long!
B- Buttons. I love big buttons on sweaters and pants and bags. Lame, I know.
C- Church. I love my church and am so thankful to have been raised there.
D- Dreams. I have many
E- Extended (added) family. I have added many friends to my "family" over the years and they mean the world to me.
F- Family. The ones related by blood. They are nuts, but also pretty awesome.
G- Gifts. Not the physical kind, but the gifts I have been given- discernment, administration, vision, etc.
H- Home. I am thankful that I have a house to come home to each day.
I- Insurance. Levi's delivery would have cost us 12k or so, Matt's hosptalization 3k, and Levi's testing and doctor visits are around 2,500 and counting.
J- Pastor Jonnah and the rest of the Zimbabwe family
K- Kids. The ones I work with. Yes, all of them.
L- Levi is the blessing I didn't know I needed at the time.
M- Matthew, who is the greatest husband and father I could have ever asked for.
N- New Beginnings.
O- Outdoors. I am not really an "outdoors-y" kind of person, but I do like to appreciate nature and enjoy fresh air.
P- Pools. I really love swimming.
Q- Scrabble!!! Ok, I know scrabble doesn't start with a Q, but it made me think of it. I love game nights with my friends, even when I don't win scrabble!
R- RPI, because they pay me to think about stuff I like.
S- Synthroid! Without newborn screening and synthroid who knows what kind of problems Levi would have.
T- Teenagers, the ones who will give me gray hair very early.
U- Up & Up. Okay, this one is kinda cheating, but it's Target's brand. And I am very thankful for Target!
V- Values. My parents raised me with many values and I appreciate that.
W- Weekends. Even when I am busy all weekend, it's nice to be busy next to Matt!
X- X-rays, Echos, CT Scans, etc. Without all those fun medical advancements Matt may not be here and healthy!
Y- You!!!
Z- Zachariah, Timothy, Rebekah, Christian, and Gina. Each of them has taught me something different. Thanks!
**************************
In other news, Matt and I started c25k today. Wow! I didn't realize just how out of shape I am. I guess being pregnant and having a baby can do that to you. Thank you so much to my family who watched Levi while Matt and I went running through Cohoes. It was coooooold. But we made it! I will let you know how I am feeling tomorrow after my first run in quite a long time!
A- Abigail, no really! I love my sissy-la-la and hate when she's gone too long!
B- Buttons. I love big buttons on sweaters and pants and bags. Lame, I know.
C- Church. I love my church and am so thankful to have been raised there.
D- Dreams. I have many
E- Extended (added) family. I have added many friends to my "family" over the years and they mean the world to me.
F- Family. The ones related by blood. They are nuts, but also pretty awesome.
G- Gifts. Not the physical kind, but the gifts I have been given- discernment, administration, vision, etc.
H- Home. I am thankful that I have a house to come home to each day.
I- Insurance. Levi's delivery would have cost us 12k or so, Matt's hosptalization 3k, and Levi's testing and doctor visits are around 2,500 and counting.
J- Pastor Jonnah and the rest of the Zimbabwe family
K- Kids. The ones I work with. Yes, all of them.
L- Levi is the blessing I didn't know I needed at the time.
M- Matthew, who is the greatest husband and father I could have ever asked for.
N- New Beginnings.
O- Outdoors. I am not really an "outdoors-y" kind of person, but I do like to appreciate nature and enjoy fresh air.
P- Pools. I really love swimming.
Q- Scrabble!!! Ok, I know scrabble doesn't start with a Q, but it made me think of it. I love game nights with my friends, even when I don't win scrabble!
R- RPI, because they pay me to think about stuff I like.
S- Synthroid! Without newborn screening and synthroid who knows what kind of problems Levi would have.
T- Teenagers, the ones who will give me gray hair very early.
U- Up & Up. Okay, this one is kinda cheating, but it's Target's brand. And I am very thankful for Target!
V- Values. My parents raised me with many values and I appreciate that.
W- Weekends. Even when I am busy all weekend, it's nice to be busy next to Matt!
X- X-rays, Echos, CT Scans, etc. Without all those fun medical advancements Matt may not be here and healthy!
Y- You!!!
Z- Zachariah, Timothy, Rebekah, Christian, and Gina. Each of them has taught me something different. Thanks!
**************************
In other news, Matt and I started c25k today. Wow! I didn't realize just how out of shape I am. I guess being pregnant and having a baby can do that to you. Thank you so much to my family who watched Levi while Matt and I went running through Cohoes. It was coooooold. But we made it! I will let you know how I am feeling tomorrow after my first run in quite a long time!
Sunday, November 29, 2009
A slight detour...
For the next 3 weeks, my blog will be dedicated to the gratitude challenge hosted by tiny prints. I have challenge all of the students in my youth program (hi guys!) to take this journey with me. I hope that reading my reflections on the gratitude activities will be helpful to them as they complete their own. I also hope that I may inspire you to take the same challenge. I have a feeling this will be a fun little exercise. So here is today's activity:
Today you start The Gratitude Challenge. Sign the contract and make a commitment to take note and give
thanks for the next 21 days. Express why you accepted this challenge and what you hope to achieve from it.
I have my contract all signed and ready to go. I am excited to accept this challenge for a few reasons: 1- I think there is no better time to do this. As we leave Thanksgiving behind and enter Advent, I really think these activities will allow me to focus my energy and attention on the more important parts of the season. 2- I think it will be a good discipline for me to be accountable to everyone to blog each day of the 21 days. I am terrible at finding time to blog, though I'd really like to. I hope this will help. 3- I don't enjoy negativity in other people, but tend to sometimes fall into the trap myself. I think being forced to find ways to be thankful, even for the negative things in my life, will be a good practice for my spirit.
So that's Day 1. Do you think you will join the challenge? The site I linked to has a calendar you can download with all of the activities on it. If you're joining, let me know why? What are you thankful for?
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In a bit of other news, Matt and I (and Amy and Abbey) are starting the couch to 5k (c25k) program this week. It's 30 minutes of running exercises 3 times a week for 9 weeks, it builds you up gradually to be able to run an entire 5k. I am not a runner. I never have been. But after the mess with Matt's heart this month, I would really like to start. I have also always wanted to run a 5k for a good cause. I will try to keep everyone updated on that as I go along as well!
ktw
Today you start The Gratitude Challenge. Sign the contract and make a commitment to take note and give
thanks for the next 21 days. Express why you accepted this challenge and what you hope to achieve from it.
I have my contract all signed and ready to go. I am excited to accept this challenge for a few reasons: 1- I think there is no better time to do this. As we leave Thanksgiving behind and enter Advent, I really think these activities will allow me to focus my energy and attention on the more important parts of the season. 2- I think it will be a good discipline for me to be accountable to everyone to blog each day of the 21 days. I am terrible at finding time to blog, though I'd really like to. I hope this will help. 3- I don't enjoy negativity in other people, but tend to sometimes fall into the trap myself. I think being forced to find ways to be thankful, even for the negative things in my life, will be a good practice for my spirit.
So that's Day 1. Do you think you will join the challenge? The site I linked to has a calendar you can download with all of the activities on it. If you're joining, let me know why? What are you thankful for?
****************
In a bit of other news, Matt and I (and Amy and Abbey) are starting the couch to 5k (c25k) program this week. It's 30 minutes of running exercises 3 times a week for 9 weeks, it builds you up gradually to be able to run an entire 5k. I am not a runner. I never have been. But after the mess with Matt's heart this month, I would really like to start. I have also always wanted to run a 5k for a good cause. I will try to keep everyone updated on that as I go along as well!
ktw
Friday, September 4, 2009
Long Overdue Post!
So I realize that I haven't updated the blog since before the little man was born, and that it's been over a month, but if having a newborn isn't a good enough excuse- I think having one with as many medical issues as Levi should be! More on that later, for now I want to write out my birth story before I forget it. I have relived that day and a half (yup) many times since then and, as stressful and long as it was, I have no regrets and would not have changed a thing. But I am getting ahead of myself, let me start with the week leading up to Levi's birth.
If I should ever have another child, I will practice this same routine at week 35 just in case I always have early babies. Our Vacation Bible School had concluded Sunday with the kids' big performance. It was a great end to the long week and I instantly had a sense of relief as most of my church responsibilities were completed for the summer! On Monday I headed to the chiropractor who readjusted me and made my hip pain all but disappear. Tuesday morning I woke up with the urge to finish off all of my final church responsibilities (hello, sign!) and so I did. I made every form, calendar, and announcement for the rest of the summer. I then went for a massage. Courtney made the swelling in my feet go away (hooray!) and helped me relax completely. We also discussed some techniques for labor.
Then, on Wednesday morning, I entered what I refer to as the earliest stage of labor. I had been contracting every 5-10 mins for a month but on Wednesday I noticed physical changes (see previous post). I also went to yoga Wednesday night and did many squats! On Thursday I got a manicure and pedicure and Friday abigail and I power walked the mall. Why so much activity? Well, once things started on Wednesday morning I figured that it could be happening soon.
On Friday night I started having back pain and thought they might be contractions. They weren't time-able but were pretty intense. I went to bed thinking they might go away with rest. At 5 am I woke up to go to the bathroom and, as I rolled over, I felt a strange sensation. Hmmmm. I quickly ran to the bathroom to find that, indeed, my water broke. I yelled out to Matt who came flying out of the bedroom to see what was wrong. I explained and thus began our day- the day we'd have our baby, right? Well not so much.
I called my midwife to let her know and she said that as long as the contractions weren't bad we could take our time. So we showered and got ready, double checked the bags and I notified the troops. My father, of course, had left for vacation Friday afternoon. I tried telling him to wait to come home but he had none of it. I think Abigail met us at our house... the morning part is a little bit of a blur.
Anyway, we checked in, they did some test to make sure my water had broken and then they did an exam while they monitored the baby and I. 1 cm- WHAT?! After a month of contracting and broken water at 36 weeks I'm not even dilated? She informed me that the baby's head had actually lowered to a -1, but did so in front of my cervix (making the exams extra fun) and explained that the action wasn't putting enough pressure to dilate me. So I spent the day bouncing, walking, squatting, bathing, sitting in different chairs, laying on my side, and trying to open my hips. All things I had learned in my birthing class. As I walked the halls, pausing to breath through contractions the nurses kept noting how I continued to laugh and smile. I'm not sure how I did since I was having serious back labor. Can I just say, Matt was amazing through this all. He actually threw his own back out putting pressure on my lower back and hips and really helped relieve at least some pain.
At some point that afternoon, they checked me again- 1.5. Seriously? After dinner they came in and told me that they would come in that night to give me sleep medicine and antibiotics. They then told me that in the morning they would be starting pitocin. I lost it. Literally. I began crying and had to ask everyone to leave my room- the amazing nurse suggested drawing a bath and turning the lights off. She sat and talked with me, answering my questions as I sobbed. I wanted to have a baby today- my water broke- i'm contracting- what am I doing wrong here? I was also scared to death of pit, convinced I'd end up with a c-section or labor so hard and fast I wouldn't be able to handle it. The nurse got me calm and Matt came in to sit with me, in the dark. I felt much better about life.
After the Yankee's game (hehe) I took the medicine for sleep and got the antibiotics started (b/c my water had been broken so long). They hooked me up for constant monitoring through the night and left me be. For our last night before we became parents. I slept on and off, waking for contractions and falling back asleep. I woke feeling rested around 7.
The nurse came in and asked if I was ready to start the pitocin. Holding back tears I asked for an hour to mentally prepare myself. I think it was about 9:45 when they actually came in with the pit and started the drip. I told the nurse I wanted to have my baby before the Yankee's game at 1, she laughed. I conceded, "okay, by the post-game". Within a few minutes, I had a horrid contraction where I realized that the baby had corkscrewed and put himself in the right place and position. Contractions from then on out felt entirely different, productive. In an hour, at about 11 the contractions were so intense I could no longer talk through them. Even in between them I just zoned preparing for the next. I remember hearing someone chewing next to me and saying, "can you please not make that noise right next to me." See, I was still polite even through my pain! Haha. At 11 I asked the nurse to have the midwife check me. That was a horribly painful experience, but she happily announced- loose 8!!! I sobbed again. I was actually making progress and would have a baby. It was at that point that the contractions were on top of eachother and off the charts painful. I broke, I told the nurse I couldn't do it and asked for an epidural. She laughed. She said- honey you're in transition, it's too late.
I have since learned that during transition most women decide they can't take it. She suggested another bath- genius! I got in the tub and don't really remember most of that time. I never had the "I'm going to die" fear, I never had fear about it really. I just remember thinking, "how much longer will this last?" I also remember that at one point I told Matt that he should be taping this, he sternly suggested that was not the best idea. "But we can show this to those youth group girls and they will never have sex!" Hahaha. Clear thinking at its best. At some point my low ton groaning (thank you birth class) turned into grunting and I think I sounded like a dying cow. I didn't care, it helped. I never yelled or swore, I was loud, but it wasn't angry or anything. It was just pain.
When my midwife heard the shift from groan to grunt she decided it was time to push. HALLELUJAH!!!!! I just remember feeling such relief and happiness, it was finally time to have a baby! Well, after that pesky pushing thing. Whoever said pushing is a relief is a liar. It was more frustrating than the 32 hours of waiting before. I was confused, trying to somehow command my muscles coordinate as I tried to push aside the pain of a contraction. Not knowing if things were moving was beyond frustrating. Matt said at least a million times, he's right there you're doing it. I finally said, "Honey can you please stop saying that." (See, still polite). At which point the midwife informed him that this is generally a good time not to talk. haha.
I focused, and I pushed harder than I ever knew imaginable. If there was a burning ring of fire I don't remember it. I do remember the feeling of her taking the baby by his head and pulling him out. I remember the sounds of the baby screaming and I remember her saying take your baby. I was so confused she had to tell me twice! I pulled the rest of him out and put him on my chest. I remembered to check- It's a boy! I was shocked and immediately checked again to be sure. I had been convinced the whole pregnancy that he was a boy until the last week, when I suddenly changed my mind! Haha.
After cuddling with him for a while I let Melinda take him to measure and weigh him as I told Matt to go tell his family. What an insane 25 minutes from first push to first cry. What a rush of intense emotions as I officially became a mother with a son. There is this certain crying face that he makes that sends me right back to that moment, of the first time I saw him as I reached down to scoop him up.
At 36 weeks and 1 day (on my parent's wedding anniversary) Levi Clifford Wesley was born weighing 7lb3oz measuring 19 (or so) inches- there's some debate!
What happened over the next month, both emotionally and physically, is something that will have to be shared later. Nothing could have prepared me for the last 5 weeks. If you have made it through this entire story, congratulations. I didn't really expect anyone would. I just wanted to make sure that I had this all down before I forgot it. (No, you don't forget the pain as soon as they're born but I can say that the memory of it has faded).
If I should do this again, though I hope a shorter journey, I wouldn't change anything. Not the lack of pain meds or the switch to a midwife at a less intense hospital. Nothing.
Oh, and he was born 30 minutes before the first pitch. He's obviously a Yankees fan!!
Levi is 5w5d
If I should ever have another child, I will practice this same routine at week 35 just in case I always have early babies. Our Vacation Bible School had concluded Sunday with the kids' big performance. It was a great end to the long week and I instantly had a sense of relief as most of my church responsibilities were completed for the summer! On Monday I headed to the chiropractor who readjusted me and made my hip pain all but disappear. Tuesday morning I woke up with the urge to finish off all of my final church responsibilities (hello, sign!) and so I did. I made every form, calendar, and announcement for the rest of the summer. I then went for a massage. Courtney made the swelling in my feet go away (hooray!) and helped me relax completely. We also discussed some techniques for labor.
Then, on Wednesday morning, I entered what I refer to as the earliest stage of labor. I had been contracting every 5-10 mins for a month but on Wednesday I noticed physical changes (see previous post). I also went to yoga Wednesday night and did many squats! On Thursday I got a manicure and pedicure and Friday abigail and I power walked the mall. Why so much activity? Well, once things started on Wednesday morning I figured that it could be happening soon.
On Friday night I started having back pain and thought they might be contractions. They weren't time-able but were pretty intense. I went to bed thinking they might go away with rest. At 5 am I woke up to go to the bathroom and, as I rolled over, I felt a strange sensation. Hmmmm. I quickly ran to the bathroom to find that, indeed, my water broke. I yelled out to Matt who came flying out of the bedroom to see what was wrong. I explained and thus began our day- the day we'd have our baby, right? Well not so much.
I called my midwife to let her know and she said that as long as the contractions weren't bad we could take our time. So we showered and got ready, double checked the bags and I notified the troops. My father, of course, had left for vacation Friday afternoon. I tried telling him to wait to come home but he had none of it. I think Abigail met us at our house... the morning part is a little bit of a blur.
Anyway, we checked in, they did some test to make sure my water had broken and then they did an exam while they monitored the baby and I. 1 cm- WHAT?! After a month of contracting and broken water at 36 weeks I'm not even dilated? She informed me that the baby's head had actually lowered to a -1, but did so in front of my cervix (making the exams extra fun) and explained that the action wasn't putting enough pressure to dilate me. So I spent the day bouncing, walking, squatting, bathing, sitting in different chairs, laying on my side, and trying to open my hips. All things I had learned in my birthing class. As I walked the halls, pausing to breath through contractions the nurses kept noting how I continued to laugh and smile. I'm not sure how I did since I was having serious back labor. Can I just say, Matt was amazing through this all. He actually threw his own back out putting pressure on my lower back and hips and really helped relieve at least some pain.
At some point that afternoon, they checked me again- 1.5. Seriously? After dinner they came in and told me that they would come in that night to give me sleep medicine and antibiotics. They then told me that in the morning they would be starting pitocin. I lost it. Literally. I began crying and had to ask everyone to leave my room- the amazing nurse suggested drawing a bath and turning the lights off. She sat and talked with me, answering my questions as I sobbed. I wanted to have a baby today- my water broke- i'm contracting- what am I doing wrong here? I was also scared to death of pit, convinced I'd end up with a c-section or labor so hard and fast I wouldn't be able to handle it. The nurse got me calm and Matt came in to sit with me, in the dark. I felt much better about life.
After the Yankee's game (hehe) I took the medicine for sleep and got the antibiotics started (b/c my water had been broken so long). They hooked me up for constant monitoring through the night and left me be. For our last night before we became parents. I slept on and off, waking for contractions and falling back asleep. I woke feeling rested around 7.
The nurse came in and asked if I was ready to start the pitocin. Holding back tears I asked for an hour to mentally prepare myself. I think it was about 9:45 when they actually came in with the pit and started the drip. I told the nurse I wanted to have my baby before the Yankee's game at 1, she laughed. I conceded, "okay, by the post-game". Within a few minutes, I had a horrid contraction where I realized that the baby had corkscrewed and put himself in the right place and position. Contractions from then on out felt entirely different, productive. In an hour, at about 11 the contractions were so intense I could no longer talk through them. Even in between them I just zoned preparing for the next. I remember hearing someone chewing next to me and saying, "can you please not make that noise right next to me." See, I was still polite even through my pain! Haha. At 11 I asked the nurse to have the midwife check me. That was a horribly painful experience, but she happily announced- loose 8!!! I sobbed again. I was actually making progress and would have a baby. It was at that point that the contractions were on top of eachother and off the charts painful. I broke, I told the nurse I couldn't do it and asked for an epidural. She laughed. She said- honey you're in transition, it's too late.
I have since learned that during transition most women decide they can't take it. She suggested another bath- genius! I got in the tub and don't really remember most of that time. I never had the "I'm going to die" fear, I never had fear about it really. I just remember thinking, "how much longer will this last?" I also remember that at one point I told Matt that he should be taping this, he sternly suggested that was not the best idea. "But we can show this to those youth group girls and they will never have sex!" Hahaha. Clear thinking at its best. At some point my low ton groaning (thank you birth class) turned into grunting and I think I sounded like a dying cow. I didn't care, it helped. I never yelled or swore, I was loud, but it wasn't angry or anything. It was just pain.
When my midwife heard the shift from groan to grunt she decided it was time to push. HALLELUJAH!!!!! I just remember feeling such relief and happiness, it was finally time to have a baby! Well, after that pesky pushing thing. Whoever said pushing is a relief is a liar. It was more frustrating than the 32 hours of waiting before. I was confused, trying to somehow command my muscles coordinate as I tried to push aside the pain of a contraction. Not knowing if things were moving was beyond frustrating. Matt said at least a million times, he's right there you're doing it. I finally said, "Honey can you please stop saying that." (See, still polite). At which point the midwife informed him that this is generally a good time not to talk. haha.
I focused, and I pushed harder than I ever knew imaginable. If there was a burning ring of fire I don't remember it. I do remember the feeling of her taking the baby by his head and pulling him out. I remember the sounds of the baby screaming and I remember her saying take your baby. I was so confused she had to tell me twice! I pulled the rest of him out and put him on my chest. I remembered to check- It's a boy! I was shocked and immediately checked again to be sure. I had been convinced the whole pregnancy that he was a boy until the last week, when I suddenly changed my mind! Haha.
After cuddling with him for a while I let Melinda take him to measure and weigh him as I told Matt to go tell his family. What an insane 25 minutes from first push to first cry. What a rush of intense emotions as I officially became a mother with a son. There is this certain crying face that he makes that sends me right back to that moment, of the first time I saw him as I reached down to scoop him up.
At 36 weeks and 1 day (on my parent's wedding anniversary) Levi Clifford Wesley was born weighing 7lb3oz measuring 19 (or so) inches- there's some debate!
What happened over the next month, both emotionally and physically, is something that will have to be shared later. Nothing could have prepared me for the last 5 weeks. If you have made it through this entire story, congratulations. I didn't really expect anyone would. I just wanted to make sure that I had this all down before I forgot it. (No, you don't forget the pain as soon as they're born but I can say that the memory of it has faded).
If I should do this again, though I hope a shorter journey, I wouldn't change anything. Not the lack of pain meds or the switch to a midwife at a less intense hospital. Nothing.
Oh, and he was born 30 minutes before the first pitch. He's obviously a Yankees fan!!
Levi is 5w5d
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Grossest.
I will not be stating specifics, nor describing or posting pictures. I will simply say, for those of you moms out there, that I have officially experienced the grossest part of pregnancy thus far. You know, one of those lovely things that no one tells you about until right before you experience it.
Oh well. Progress is progress.
Oh well. Progress is progress.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Dear B-Dub
(I have been writing this letter for about 20 weeks, lol. I just never really finished it. I figured I would just finish and post)
Dear Baby Wood,
It is sometimes strange that after 30+ weeks together I still don't know what to call you. Are you Levi? Naomi? Maybe I should just go with Leomi? Whatever your name, I can't wait to meet you. I have had such a great time getting to know you over the last 9 months. I know that you like late morning and early evening more than afternoons (me too, let's keep that nap schedule when you get here, k?). I know you squirm like a worm when we play music for you and you kick whenever a guitar solo comes on- your daddy says this is because you are moshing, I think you find guitar solos as confusing as I do.
We are working on making the house really nice for your arrival. Your room should be done soon, and hopefully there won't be bare walls throughout the house when you come home with us (not that you'll care, but I will!). I've already forgiven you for taking away my office space, the room looks much better as a nursery anyway! Your Aunt Abbey and Amy have been helping lots with construction and decorating. They have also lent their hand at judging me silently (and sometimes not so silently) to help me get rid of the clutter that almost 3 years of living here has compiled.
Your daddy and I love to sit and think about all the things we will get to share with you, and we love to dream about all of the things you may become. Will you like music like us? Will you be a thinker? An activist? We often joke that you will probably be nothing like us and be an athlete, though with the genes you are inheriting I can't imagine this happening. That is, unless you want to swim or dance. Sorry kid, the world is mostly your oyster but team sports may not be in the cards!
This week you completed your first Vacation Bible School. I have also taken you to Disney World and 2 Yankees games! Your dad is worried you might be a Red Sox fan someday just to spite us. I have guaranteed him we will ground you should that ever be the case. Just kidding. Sort of. You have been a trooper through all of my travels and church insanity and, aside from the swollen feet and hands that have appeared this last week, you really haven't caused me much discomfort at all. In fact, I can say that I have actually enjoyed pregnancy.
Now that your arrival is so close, I am actually a little sad. I have really enjoyed having you all to myself. I will miss being the only one who knows you, who can feel you and "play" with you. I am also anxious... about many things. You will come to find out soon enough that your mommy is a serious "planner" and a type-a personality. I would imagine you will challenge this from the get-go, beginning with this delivery thing. I hate not knowing when you will come! Especially since your Aunt Abbey, Uncle Zach and Grandpa and Grandma Bert will be out of town for 5 whole days during the 37th week! So, if you're into taking requests, I'd prefer you to come right before they leave or sometime soon after they come home. I mean, I'm not being pushy, but I'd rather not do the wait till 40+ weeks thing. Especially in August.
Your dad and I are getting so excited for your arrival. We cannot wait to meet you, to see what and who you look like, to find out your name, and to fall in love with you in a way deeper than either of us can imagine at the moment. See you soon!
With all of my love,
Mommy
Dear Baby Wood,
It is sometimes strange that after 30+ weeks together I still don't know what to call you. Are you Levi? Naomi? Maybe I should just go with Leomi? Whatever your name, I can't wait to meet you. I have had such a great time getting to know you over the last 9 months. I know that you like late morning and early evening more than afternoons (me too, let's keep that nap schedule when you get here, k?). I know you squirm like a worm when we play music for you and you kick whenever a guitar solo comes on- your daddy says this is because you are moshing, I think you find guitar solos as confusing as I do.
We are working on making the house really nice for your arrival. Your room should be done soon, and hopefully there won't be bare walls throughout the house when you come home with us (not that you'll care, but I will!). I've already forgiven you for taking away my office space, the room looks much better as a nursery anyway! Your Aunt Abbey and Amy have been helping lots with construction and decorating. They have also lent their hand at judging me silently (and sometimes not so silently) to help me get rid of the clutter that almost 3 years of living here has compiled.
Your daddy and I love to sit and think about all the things we will get to share with you, and we love to dream about all of the things you may become. Will you like music like us? Will you be a thinker? An activist? We often joke that you will probably be nothing like us and be an athlete, though with the genes you are inheriting I can't imagine this happening. That is, unless you want to swim or dance. Sorry kid, the world is mostly your oyster but team sports may not be in the cards!
This week you completed your first Vacation Bible School. I have also taken you to Disney World and 2 Yankees games! Your dad is worried you might be a Red Sox fan someday just to spite us. I have guaranteed him we will ground you should that ever be the case. Just kidding. Sort of. You have been a trooper through all of my travels and church insanity and, aside from the swollen feet and hands that have appeared this last week, you really haven't caused me much discomfort at all. In fact, I can say that I have actually enjoyed pregnancy.
Now that your arrival is so close, I am actually a little sad. I have really enjoyed having you all to myself. I will miss being the only one who knows you, who can feel you and "play" with you. I am also anxious... about many things. You will come to find out soon enough that your mommy is a serious "planner" and a type-a personality. I would imagine you will challenge this from the get-go, beginning with this delivery thing. I hate not knowing when you will come! Especially since your Aunt Abbey, Uncle Zach and Grandpa and Grandma Bert will be out of town for 5 whole days during the 37th week! So, if you're into taking requests, I'd prefer you to come right before they leave or sometime soon after they come home. I mean, I'm not being pushy, but I'd rather not do the wait till 40+ weeks thing. Especially in August.
Your dad and I are getting so excited for your arrival. We cannot wait to meet you, to see what and who you look like, to find out your name, and to fall in love with you in a way deeper than either of us can imagine at the moment. See you soon!
With all of my love,
Mommy
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