I wanted to get all deep and spiritual for an Easter post, but if I'm being honest most of my entries lately have been deep and spiritual. Haha. Aside from that, today was just too much for be to really write anything too profound. I did, however, learn and important lesson today: I can only push Levi so far before I totally set him up for behavior disaster. AKA- sometimes, when Levi is acting out, I feel totally awful because it's really my fault. :(
Back story: Thursday was our seder dinner, which ended around 7:30. We got Levi home and in bed by 8. Only about an hour late, so not too bad. Friday, the service didn't even start until 8. He went to bed at 9. Both nights he woke up around normal time (7-730) thus, not making up the lost sleep. Saturday night we dyed eggs after youth group and got him home around 9 again. Only, this morning, he woke up at like 6:30!!! He proceeded to take a 1 hour nap during church and wake up in a total funk.
We went to Easter lunch where there were about 40 people and he just wanted to go outside and play in the mud. I really fought it at first, not wanting him outside as it was off-and-on drizzling and kind of swamp-like in areas of the yard. We changed him into jeans and gave in shortly as it was going to be easier to clean him (yeah, he turned the tub gray tonight) than listen to him shreak and watch him throw himself on the ground all afternoon.
He barely ate, he whined, he laid on the ground and cried. It was awesome. It was my fault.
I know Levi needs sleep. I've always known that. For Levi to be at his optimal self he needs 12 hours + at night and 2 hours + for a nap. He's always been a sleeper and, more importantly, he's a schedule kid. He needs that and I didn't put his needs first. It's a hard balance. Next year? If he's still a sleeper we will definitely get an at-home sitter for the later evening services. Live and learn I suppose, eh?
Positives of the weekend? Levi peed on the potty 6 times Saturday!! He only missed twice. That's pretty awesome! He still doesn't tell us, or go to the potty on his own, but does seem to let us know he needs a new diaper pretty quickly. I'm pretty excited at the prospect of a diaper free house. I know one of these days I need to just bite the bullet and have a few consecutive "no diaper" days and it will happen. He's a smart kid and appears to have made the connection pretty quickly. We'll see.
Hopefully I will be posting some Easter (and South Carolina) photos very soon!
-ktw (day 2, a success!)
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Mission accomplished...?
There's something very satisfying, in a non-prideful way (I hope), about pouring yourself into something and finding out that it touched others in a meaningful way. Last year, Matt and I spent about 3 weeks planning a new Good Friday service. It was a bit of a gamble as it was quite different than the previous Good Friday services, and really any other church service we have. Now, not many people usually come to our service on Good Friday anyway, so last year about 25 or 30 people attended. Those who were there really seemed to enjoy it and it made me so happy to know that my style of worship resonated with people.
Cut to this year. My dad allowed me to also work with the Ash Wednesday service to tie the full Lenten season together. Matt and I worked together (as we actually do very well ;) ) and developed an experiential service for Ash Wednesday that focused on "tangible" prayers. We had various stations throughout that sanctuary that encouraged participants to meditate on an area of their lives. There was a station with clay that asked everyone (while playing with the clay) to imagine what their lives would be like if they truly allowed God to mold them the way He saw fit. Then they prayed asking God to soften their hearts and mold them. There were 3 other stations like that (Water, Oil, Ashes).
The final station asked each person to select a stone and write on it one thing in their life that they'd like to work on during the season of Lent. Personally, mine was bitterness. That's probably another blog post in itself. I carried my stone around with me everywhere. It often reminded me (although not always in time) to try to respond more kindly to those I disagree with. I hope it continues to remind me that I can't carry those disagreements into feelings of resentment that sometimes make me a not so fun person to be around.
This past week Matt and I reworked last year's Good Friday service to include some songs that were more meaningful to us, and include time for everyone to bring their stones up front and leave them at the foot of the cross.
Last night about 70 people showed up for service. So many of them shared such positive things about their experience in the service, including our (older) very traditional assistant pastor who told me that it was both "moving and reverent," and another stoic man who said, "thanks for making me cry!" I told him, "Mission accomplished, I don't consider it a good service unless people leave crying." Haha.
Anyway, I guess what this whole post is about is that to know that you were able to facilitate others into a meaningful experience of Good Friday is somewhat indescribable (which is probably why I've spent most of the time in this post rambling about logistics).
It is also very encouraging to know that maybe this style is something Matt and I need to continue to work on. There aren't a lot of areas in our lives or ministries where we are able to work together on the same level. I sometimes sing back-up for worship, he sometimes leads at youth, but overall those are more "supporting" roles. For this, we both brought our talents to the table and worked together. It's kind of an amazing feeling.
Denise will probably tell me that I always write sermons in my blog. And, well, I kind of just can't help it. Ha!
I hope sincerely that you have a meaningful Easter weekend, whatever that looks like. For now, my small boy has just gotten out of the shower and is running around naked. I guess that's my cue.
-ktw
p.s. I'm hoping this is the start of a "blog challenge" where I commit to blog every day for a month. We'll see how that goes. ;)
Cut to this year. My dad allowed me to also work with the Ash Wednesday service to tie the full Lenten season together. Matt and I worked together (as we actually do very well ;) ) and developed an experiential service for Ash Wednesday that focused on "tangible" prayers. We had various stations throughout that sanctuary that encouraged participants to meditate on an area of their lives. There was a station with clay that asked everyone (while playing with the clay) to imagine what their lives would be like if they truly allowed God to mold them the way He saw fit. Then they prayed asking God to soften their hearts and mold them. There were 3 other stations like that (Water, Oil, Ashes).
The final station asked each person to select a stone and write on it one thing in their life that they'd like to work on during the season of Lent. Personally, mine was bitterness. That's probably another blog post in itself. I carried my stone around with me everywhere. It often reminded me (although not always in time) to try to respond more kindly to those I disagree with. I hope it continues to remind me that I can't carry those disagreements into feelings of resentment that sometimes make me a not so fun person to be around.
This past week Matt and I reworked last year's Good Friday service to include some songs that were more meaningful to us, and include time for everyone to bring their stones up front and leave them at the foot of the cross.
Last night about 70 people showed up for service. So many of them shared such positive things about their experience in the service, including our (older) very traditional assistant pastor who told me that it was both "moving and reverent," and another stoic man who said, "thanks for making me cry!" I told him, "Mission accomplished, I don't consider it a good service unless people leave crying." Haha.
Anyway, I guess what this whole post is about is that to know that you were able to facilitate others into a meaningful experience of Good Friday is somewhat indescribable (which is probably why I've spent most of the time in this post rambling about logistics).
It is also very encouraging to know that maybe this style is something Matt and I need to continue to work on. There aren't a lot of areas in our lives or ministries where we are able to work together on the same level. I sometimes sing back-up for worship, he sometimes leads at youth, but overall those are more "supporting" roles. For this, we both brought our talents to the table and worked together. It's kind of an amazing feeling.
Denise will probably tell me that I always write sermons in my blog. And, well, I kind of just can't help it. Ha!
I hope sincerely that you have a meaningful Easter weekend, whatever that looks like. For now, my small boy has just gotten out of the shower and is running around naked. I guess that's my cue.
-ktw
p.s. I'm hoping this is the start of a "blog challenge" where I commit to blog every day for a month. We'll see how that goes. ;)
Friday, February 4, 2011
stream of {random} consciousness.
I’m sort of feeling like a bad mom today. I realized that, although we have gotten well over 3 feet of snow in the last month, I have no pictures of my child in it. Even worse? He hasn’t been out in it. What kind of North East US winter childhood is that? The issue is that he doesn’t have any snow gear, and although I keep meaning to go get him some, I keep forgetting. We are scheduled to get some more (a small amount) snow this Saturday night and again next Tuesday. So, I am making a (small, possibly silly) goal of getting Levi out in some fresh snow and having some evidence to show for it! I’m not sure how much more snow we will get now that it’s February, so if the snow suits/boots aren’t on sale, I will probably buy them too big and just let him swim in them this year. I’m kind of cheap like that. ;)
I personally love snow. I know a lot of people are sick of it, but I don’t mind it. It’s not nearly as much fun when you don’t get a snow day, though. I found that out this week! Grown up jobs are kind of lame. I am starting to think I’m getting Winter Blahs- different than the Winter Blues. I need some sunshine and fresh air! I only wish there was a way to hang out outside in the pretty snow without being super cold. Egh. It doesn’t help that it was gray/dark for most of the last 2 weeks, so, even though I sit in front of 2 large windows, I’m not getting any natural light.
Speaking of grown up jobs, I’m starting to wonder what I’m going to do once I’m done with school. I have all sorts of dreams, ideas, and plans. Unfortunately, the ones that I think would be the most fulfilling are the most uncertain. It’s difficult to balance the fact that my family needs some financial security with the fact that I have a vision for what I want to do, and feel I have a calling on my life, that doesn’t promise stable (or really even a lot) of money. It’s difficult to think, “Well, if I take this job where I sit at a desk 5 days a week, I could buy a new house by the end of the year. But… if I follow my “calling” full time, I may not be in a house, in a better school district and with room for a larger family, any time soon.” It’s something I’m struggling with a lot lately. I’ve been in school for about 23 straight years and, although I’ve held a job for most of the last 10 years, none of them have been “careers”. Now that I am facing that time, the time when my PhD should be coming to an end, I’m having a bit of an identity crisis.
I know for a fact that I don’t want to go immediately into being a professor. I just don’t want to be a part of academia right now. I need a break. So, at least I have that settled for me. I wouldn’t mind being a teacher in a smaller, more hands on setting. I would really like to do ministry full time. I could be a pretty good applicant for a high-paying office job. I guess I should just throw some eggs into each basket (apply around) and let God take care of my path. In a perfect world, I would become a Church (and/or Religious Media/Organization) consultant, make enough money to comfortably (and reliably) support my family, and be able to continue to serve in the areas of Youth and Social Justice in Cohoes.
Growing up, the adults in my life didn’t have traditional jobs. My parents were pastors and my, old enough to be a grown-up, sister was an accountant. All I knew of life was that adults got jobs where they could go on vacation for 2 weeks at a time, that one of my parents could take me to an appointment at any time of day, and that someone was home when I got off the school bus. My best friend’s mom growing up was a dance studio owner, so I never met reality there either. It wasn’t until I got pregnant that I started to wonder, “What do people with real jobs do with their kids during summer?” I realized just how clueless I was.
My reality is that I may need a 40-hour a week job. I know that isn’t the end of the world, but it would mean less time with my family and less time available for ministry. Basically, I have to leave this one up to someone other than me. I need to trust that if I put in the work, God will take care of the rest.
Now that this post has transformed into a rambling diatribe on everything and nothing, I’ll be done. Ooh, but coming up? My 101 in 1001 list. One of my goals is to blog every day for a month- aren’t y’all in for a treat! :)
I personally love snow. I know a lot of people are sick of it, but I don’t mind it. It’s not nearly as much fun when you don’t get a snow day, though. I found that out this week! Grown up jobs are kind of lame. I am starting to think I’m getting Winter Blahs- different than the Winter Blues. I need some sunshine and fresh air! I only wish there was a way to hang out outside in the pretty snow without being super cold. Egh. It doesn’t help that it was gray/dark for most of the last 2 weeks, so, even though I sit in front of 2 large windows, I’m not getting any natural light.
Speaking of grown up jobs, I’m starting to wonder what I’m going to do once I’m done with school. I have all sorts of dreams, ideas, and plans. Unfortunately, the ones that I think would be the most fulfilling are the most uncertain. It’s difficult to balance the fact that my family needs some financial security with the fact that I have a vision for what I want to do, and feel I have a calling on my life, that doesn’t promise stable (or really even a lot) of money. It’s difficult to think, “Well, if I take this job where I sit at a desk 5 days a week, I could buy a new house by the end of the year. But… if I follow my “calling” full time, I may not be in a house, in a better school district and with room for a larger family, any time soon.” It’s something I’m struggling with a lot lately. I’ve been in school for about 23 straight years and, although I’ve held a job for most of the last 10 years, none of them have been “careers”. Now that I am facing that time, the time when my PhD should be coming to an end, I’m having a bit of an identity crisis.
I know for a fact that I don’t want to go immediately into being a professor. I just don’t want to be a part of academia right now. I need a break. So, at least I have that settled for me. I wouldn’t mind being a teacher in a smaller, more hands on setting. I would really like to do ministry full time. I could be a pretty good applicant for a high-paying office job. I guess I should just throw some eggs into each basket (apply around) and let God take care of my path. In a perfect world, I would become a Church (and/or Religious Media/Organization) consultant, make enough money to comfortably (and reliably) support my family, and be able to continue to serve in the areas of Youth and Social Justice in Cohoes.
Growing up, the adults in my life didn’t have traditional jobs. My parents were pastors and my, old enough to be a grown-up, sister was an accountant. All I knew of life was that adults got jobs where they could go on vacation for 2 weeks at a time, that one of my parents could take me to an appointment at any time of day, and that someone was home when I got off the school bus. My best friend’s mom growing up was a dance studio owner, so I never met reality there either. It wasn’t until I got pregnant that I started to wonder, “What do people with real jobs do with their kids during summer?” I realized just how clueless I was.
My reality is that I may need a 40-hour a week job. I know that isn’t the end of the world, but it would mean less time with my family and less time available for ministry. Basically, I have to leave this one up to someone other than me. I need to trust that if I put in the work, God will take care of the rest.
Now that this post has transformed into a rambling diatribe on everything and nothing, I’ll be done. Ooh, but coming up? My 101 in 1001 list. One of my goals is to blog every day for a month- aren’t y’all in for a treat! :)
Friday, September 24, 2010
Dry Spell.
I suppose this is the part of the blog where I lament my neglect and promise to update regularly... truth be told, it probably won't happen. Would I love to blog the details of my life every day? Of course. Do I wish I had more of Levi's milestones documented and shared with family and friends? Sure. But that's not how life has worked out this year. And honestly, some days I'm just glad I don't find a puddle of drool at my feet. From me. I find puddles of Levi's drool all over the place. But I digress.
I've experienced a serious emotional dry spell. I don't know what happened to me after having Levi. For the first 6 months I promised myself that it was because he was such a difficult baby. Colic and reflux, ear infections and thyroids. Don't get me wrong, it was a rough start to the small one's life (for all of us). But I guess I just expected that things would level out and I would snap out of my "funk", that I would be myself again. That didn't really happen. I kept saying, "After _____ is over things will be better"- you can fill in that blank with any random event, milestone, or check on my to do list over the last 8 or so months. I'm beginning to think it's me. I'm beginning to think I need to find satisfaction, and even happiness, in my new normal. I'm beginning to think that this is life.
My dry spell has effected every area of my life. Spiritual. Creative. Intellectual. Parental. Marital. Personal.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to be all emo here and tell you how much I hate my life. In fact, when ever I think about it I realize how much I love my life. I have an amazing husband, I'm able to study for a PhD while (sometimes ;) ) being paid, I have an awesome kid with a ton of spunk, and I have a really supportive family. I'm not gonna go all high school on you now. I recognize and appreciate how much I am blessed, I really do. Promise.
I also realize that something is just... off. I am starting to think, though that my perceiving a "funk" is the funk. Ahhh, the medium is the message. Thank you Mr. McLuhan. ;)
What I mean to say is, that it is precisely this perception that something is off that is making me feel off. Did that make sense? Nah? Humor me.
I haven't adjusted in any way to my new normal. Something hasn't sunk in. I keep waiting for things to simplify. The truth is, if I find a way to settle in. To be comfortable in my life. To be satisfied. To adjust to the chaos. I don't think it will feel as chaotic. I think it will feel... like life. Marriage. Kid. School. Job #1. Job #2. Own a daycare. Start a non-profit. Okay, so that's probably not normal. For anyone. But it's my life right now. And I need to stop thinking, "Okay, when summer programs are over life will calm down." Because the reality of my life is that once summer programs are over, school gets back into full swing. And then fall programs start. And then I have to work at some point to contribute to my family's finances. And then it's summer again. Wash. Rinse. Repeat.
That is my life. That is my normal. I need to learn how to love my reality. Not wish for what I think will make things better.
Love. My. Reality.
Matt and I have been working on ways to simplify within this structure. For now, at least, this is what we have to work with. This is how our life will be at least until I am done with school. All of these other things are added, jobs- necessary, businesses- amazing opportunities, ministries- where my heart is. However, we have managed over the last month or 2 to slow down time. It's like we have a superpower. Or maybe like we pulled our heads out of our collective tush. Either way.
We determined to spend more time together and to embrace our crazy normal. This means you might not see me on chat in the evenings. Wanna know why? Cause I am cuddling with my handsome husband on the couch. This means we pick up our living room every night and take turns with laundry, dishes, and lunch making so that these things don't overwhelm us. This means I have relaxed a little on what I expect from myself each day. It means I have learned to sleep with check boxes on my to-do list unchecked. It means I am coming out of my dry spell. I can write again. I can enjoy what I study. I can laugh with Levi. I can work out and feel like "myself."
Making such conscious decisions has so positively impacted us. Matt and I have definitely grown leaps and bounds as a couple since August. I have settled into my role as a mother (not in a bad way!) and realized that it is not the only thing that defines me. And I have found some motivation.
Other amazing things are happening outside of my personal life as well. I can't tell you how many "random" connections I have made that have brought in money, support, volunteers, and supplies to the various outreaches I am a part of. It's like once I handed over my chaos and embraced it, an army of people came along side to relieve some of my responsibilities. Amazing.
There are still some areas that are out of my control. It's not really public blog worthy, but if you're the praying type- go ahead and mention us.
Bottom Line: I love my reality. It just took me a while to recognize that.
ktw
(levi is 2 days shy of 14 months...yikes!)
I've experienced a serious emotional dry spell. I don't know what happened to me after having Levi. For the first 6 months I promised myself that it was because he was such a difficult baby. Colic and reflux, ear infections and thyroids. Don't get me wrong, it was a rough start to the small one's life (for all of us). But I guess I just expected that things would level out and I would snap out of my "funk", that I would be myself again. That didn't really happen. I kept saying, "After _____ is over things will be better"- you can fill in that blank with any random event, milestone, or check on my to do list over the last 8 or so months. I'm beginning to think it's me. I'm beginning to think I need to find satisfaction, and even happiness, in my new normal. I'm beginning to think that this is life.
My dry spell has effected every area of my life. Spiritual. Creative. Intellectual. Parental. Marital. Personal.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to be all emo here and tell you how much I hate my life. In fact, when ever I think about it I realize how much I love my life. I have an amazing husband, I'm able to study for a PhD while (sometimes ;) ) being paid, I have an awesome kid with a ton of spunk, and I have a really supportive family. I'm not gonna go all high school on you now. I recognize and appreciate how much I am blessed, I really do. Promise.
I also realize that something is just... off. I am starting to think, though that my perceiving a "funk" is the funk. Ahhh, the medium is the message. Thank you Mr. McLuhan. ;)
What I mean to say is, that it is precisely this perception that something is off that is making me feel off. Did that make sense? Nah? Humor me.
I haven't adjusted in any way to my new normal. Something hasn't sunk in. I keep waiting for things to simplify. The truth is, if I find a way to settle in. To be comfortable in my life. To be satisfied. To adjust to the chaos. I don't think it will feel as chaotic. I think it will feel... like life. Marriage. Kid. School. Job #1. Job #2. Own a daycare. Start a non-profit. Okay, so that's probably not normal. For anyone. But it's my life right now. And I need to stop thinking, "Okay, when summer programs are over life will calm down." Because the reality of my life is that once summer programs are over, school gets back into full swing. And then fall programs start. And then I have to work at some point to contribute to my family's finances. And then it's summer again. Wash. Rinse. Repeat.
That is my life. That is my normal. I need to learn how to love my reality. Not wish for what I think will make things better.
Love. My. Reality.
Matt and I have been working on ways to simplify within this structure. For now, at least, this is what we have to work with. This is how our life will be at least until I am done with school. All of these other things are added, jobs- necessary, businesses- amazing opportunities, ministries- where my heart is. However, we have managed over the last month or 2 to slow down time. It's like we have a superpower. Or maybe like we pulled our heads out of our collective tush. Either way.
We determined to spend more time together and to embrace our crazy normal. This means you might not see me on chat in the evenings. Wanna know why? Cause I am cuddling with my handsome husband on the couch. This means we pick up our living room every night and take turns with laundry, dishes, and lunch making so that these things don't overwhelm us. This means I have relaxed a little on what I expect from myself each day. It means I have learned to sleep with check boxes on my to-do list unchecked. It means I am coming out of my dry spell. I can write again. I can enjoy what I study. I can laugh with Levi. I can work out and feel like "myself."
Making such conscious decisions has so positively impacted us. Matt and I have definitely grown leaps and bounds as a couple since August. I have settled into my role as a mother (not in a bad way!) and realized that it is not the only thing that defines me. And I have found some motivation.
Other amazing things are happening outside of my personal life as well. I can't tell you how many "random" connections I have made that have brought in money, support, volunteers, and supplies to the various outreaches I am a part of. It's like once I handed over my chaos and embraced it, an army of people came along side to relieve some of my responsibilities. Amazing.
There are still some areas that are out of my control. It's not really public blog worthy, but if you're the praying type- go ahead and mention us.
Bottom Line: I love my reality. It just took me a while to recognize that.
ktw
(levi is 2 days shy of 14 months...yikes!)
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
A run for our money... part 2.
I believe we last left off with the double ear issue in February. The Z-pack and decongestant seemed to be doing the trick. Levi went in for a check up a week after he finished the antibiotic. I walked into the appointment proclaiming him 100% better, talking about how happy he was and how well he was sleeping. Imagine my surprise when Dr. M looked in his ears and grimaced. Worst. Mom. Ever. He had one ear bulging but not infected, one bright red with yellow-ish fluid (infected). Dr. M explains that he may not be showing signs of an active infection because, at this point, he may just be used to having pressure and pain in his ears. (Hello mommy guilt, nice to make your acquaintance). She wasn't as quick to send him to the ENT as Dr. B was at the previous appointment, so she decides to try out Augmentin- basically the only antibiotic that we haven't tried thus far.
A week after the Augmentin is over, Lev is whiny and not sleeping unless upright. Could be teeth, right? I decided to bring him in just to get checked. If there's no major signs of infection (fever, ear tugging) because of how used to the pain he is :( then I needed to rule it out. We get in there, see Dr. B this time, and sure enough- Ear infection. One infected, one filled with fluid. (This time they are swapped). Dr. B has us make an appointment with an ENT, and to our surprise they got us in a week later (that would be today). They also put us on some amoxocillin (to try and keep the infection from flairing up too badly) and a round of steroids (something we've never tried).
So today we trucked ourselves to Slingerlands, to the ENT specialist Dr. S. She is really sweet, btw. Dr. S reviewed his history, we got a hear test, they tried to move his ear drum, yadda yadda. In the end, she tells us what we already knew- Levi is a strong candidate for ear tubes. She explains it's a ridiculously easy procedure, he wouldn't even need an IV placed or anything. We would be in around 6 am, and out by lunchtime. However, she also explained to us that he wasn't presenting signs of an active infection at the moment and so it was up to us whether we wanted to go ahead with the procedure. Matt and I just looked at each other. Such decisions are much easier when the "experts" make them for you.
We asked a lot of questions. The biggest one being- is it more likely that the Steroids actually worked once and for all or that the infection always goes away during the course of antibiotics and just returned within a week? We have never been at the doctors during a course of antibiotics, so it is entirely possible that the infection is responding to the medicine and we never knew it. If that's not the case, though and the steroids happened to do the trick, we would be doing the surgery "for nothing". Except that Dr. S seemed to think that tubes were inevitable, saying it was only a matter of time. She told us we could wait it out and hope for him to dry out on his own but we may just end up back in her office in a month.
In the end, Matt and I decided to go with the surgery. I think my main reason is that in the long run, the surgery will have less effects on his little body than the continuous use of antibiotics, decongestants, ibuprofen, and whatever else they want us to try. The fact that the procedure is really basic makes the decision a bit easier for us. We are scheduled to arrive at 6am April 1st.
What I am realizing is that being a parent is full of decisions that may seem silly or easy to those outside the situation, but feel like massive weights for us. Thanks for all your advice and prayers, we are feeling confident in this decision and hope that Levi will be more comfortable as a result.
ktw
levi is 7m2w5d
A week after the Augmentin is over, Lev is whiny and not sleeping unless upright. Could be teeth, right? I decided to bring him in just to get checked. If there's no major signs of infection (fever, ear tugging) because of how used to the pain he is :( then I needed to rule it out. We get in there, see Dr. B this time, and sure enough- Ear infection. One infected, one filled with fluid. (This time they are swapped). Dr. B has us make an appointment with an ENT, and to our surprise they got us in a week later (that would be today). They also put us on some amoxocillin (to try and keep the infection from flairing up too badly) and a round of steroids (something we've never tried).
So today we trucked ourselves to Slingerlands, to the ENT specialist Dr. S. She is really sweet, btw. Dr. S reviewed his history, we got a hear test, they tried to move his ear drum, yadda yadda. In the end, she tells us what we already knew- Levi is a strong candidate for ear tubes. She explains it's a ridiculously easy procedure, he wouldn't even need an IV placed or anything. We would be in around 6 am, and out by lunchtime. However, she also explained to us that he wasn't presenting signs of an active infection at the moment and so it was up to us whether we wanted to go ahead with the procedure. Matt and I just looked at each other. Such decisions are much easier when the "experts" make them for you.
We asked a lot of questions. The biggest one being- is it more likely that the Steroids actually worked once and for all or that the infection always goes away during the course of antibiotics and just returned within a week? We have never been at the doctors during a course of antibiotics, so it is entirely possible that the infection is responding to the medicine and we never knew it. If that's not the case, though and the steroids happened to do the trick, we would be doing the surgery "for nothing". Except that Dr. S seemed to think that tubes were inevitable, saying it was only a matter of time. She told us we could wait it out and hope for him to dry out on his own but we may just end up back in her office in a month.
In the end, Matt and I decided to go with the surgery. I think my main reason is that in the long run, the surgery will have less effects on his little body than the continuous use of antibiotics, decongestants, ibuprofen, and whatever else they want us to try. The fact that the procedure is really basic makes the decision a bit easier for us. We are scheduled to arrive at 6am April 1st.
What I am realizing is that being a parent is full of decisions that may seem silly or easy to those outside the situation, but feel like massive weights for us. Thanks for all your advice and prayers, we are feeling confident in this decision and hope that Levi will be more comfortable as a result.
ktw
levi is 7m2w5d
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Faster Than You.
Yesterday began the lenten season. I think Protestants overlook lent too much, identifying it as "too Catholic" for a Protestant to do. For me, it's the most important, if not my favorite season on the liturgical calendar. It's always been something we observed in my household. My father used to fast during the day, eating family meals together. Other infamous fasts from my dad include his "speeding fast" his "news fast" and his "e-mail fast." Fasting has never been a legalistic ritual in my family or church's practice, but more of an effort to share in some way the "suffering" of Christ. As Americans, it is too easy to never suffer. Have a headache? Grab some tylenol. Hungry? Go to the grocery store, McDonald's etc. Have a large gash on your foot? Head to the ER for stitches. And so on. I truly believe it is time for Western Christians to learn how to suffer.
This view has only been stressed more as I have experienced this week before Lent, where everyone asks "What are you giving up for Lent?" Each time I explain my fast, the Daniel Fast, I get some eye rolls, some wincing, or some "ha ha's." Lovely. Thanks for the support. The thing is, maybe the Daniel Fast isn't right for you. But for me? Food has always been a huge issue. Spending most of my high school experience purposely eating too little, and much of my adult life eating whatever was easiest or closest, I have never had a good relationship with food. And so, for me, the Daniel Fast is the right choice. This fast (which I have done 3 or 4 times before) forces me to read labels, cook at home, bring lunch, and plan ahead. It makes me stare my everyday food choices in the face. I can't just pretend I'm "too busy" to eat food that doesn't come out of a window.
Will it be difficult? Sure. But isn't that the point of a fast? Last night, at our Ash Wednesday Service, the sermon was titled "Blessed are those who Hunger and Thirst for Righteousness." The sermon struck such a chord with me. I have been thinking and worrying about my direction lately, wondering all too often what "God's plan for my life is." Making it ALWAYS. ABOUT. ME. Instead, during this lenten season, I am hoping that the hunger I feel throughout the day, the desire I have for Diet Coke or dessert will teach me a lesson about what it means to desire, to hunger for God. If that is my focus. How can my purpose not be clear?
Matt and I have entered this journey together. We do not intend to be legalistic about it. The fast is generally done for 21 days and lent is 45 or so. So we have altered it a bit in a way that is meaningful to us. We intend to fully participate in family events and celebrations, bringing food or doing our best at a restaurant to follow the rules.
I hope there is some suffering on my part. I hope that I hunger. That I desire. And that through this, I focus. And learn.
What is your sacrifice? If you aren't participating yet, I urge you to consider doing so. Give up something that might cause some discomfort. It's only 6 weeks. Your soda/sweets/internet/fried food will still be there when you're done. And you may just gain something from it!
ktw
This view has only been stressed more as I have experienced this week before Lent, where everyone asks "What are you giving up for Lent?" Each time I explain my fast, the Daniel Fast, I get some eye rolls, some wincing, or some "ha ha's." Lovely. Thanks for the support. The thing is, maybe the Daniel Fast isn't right for you. But for me? Food has always been a huge issue. Spending most of my high school experience purposely eating too little, and much of my adult life eating whatever was easiest or closest, I have never had a good relationship with food. And so, for me, the Daniel Fast is the right choice. This fast (which I have done 3 or 4 times before) forces me to read labels, cook at home, bring lunch, and plan ahead. It makes me stare my everyday food choices in the face. I can't just pretend I'm "too busy" to eat food that doesn't come out of a window.
Will it be difficult? Sure. But isn't that the point of a fast? Last night, at our Ash Wednesday Service, the sermon was titled "Blessed are those who Hunger and Thirst for Righteousness." The sermon struck such a chord with me. I have been thinking and worrying about my direction lately, wondering all too often what "God's plan for my life is." Making it ALWAYS. ABOUT. ME. Instead, during this lenten season, I am hoping that the hunger I feel throughout the day, the desire I have for Diet Coke or dessert will teach me a lesson about what it means to desire, to hunger for God. If that is my focus. How can my purpose not be clear?
Matt and I have entered this journey together. We do not intend to be legalistic about it. The fast is generally done for 21 days and lent is 45 or so. So we have altered it a bit in a way that is meaningful to us. We intend to fully participate in family events and celebrations, bringing food or doing our best at a restaurant to follow the rules.
I hope there is some suffering on my part. I hope that I hunger. That I desire. And that through this, I focus. And learn.
What is your sacrifice? If you aren't participating yet, I urge you to consider doing so. Give up something that might cause some discomfort. It's only 6 weeks. Your soda/sweets/internet/fried food will still be there when you're done. And you may just gain something from it!
ktw
Thursday, February 4, 2010
"He's really given you a run for your money."
This post could also be called "Levi wants to be an only child"
Levi has had his share of, ahem, issues in his short 6 months. Born early, wouldn't eat, jaundice, thyroid issues, swine flu, reflux... oh and that pesky little thing called colic. Ugh, colic. I wouldn't wish that on an enemy.
And it continues. To give some background, Levi went in to the pedi office on December 7th because he had a nasty cough and screamed when we tried to lay him down for bed or naps. Sure enough, ear infection. They put him on some amoxocillin and sent us on our way. We were naive and full of hope. And dang if Levi didn't love that stuff, I mean, who didn't as a kid?!
We thought he was getting better until he starting having a gross runny nose around Christmas. He woke the morning of his 5 month appointment (December 28th for those keeping track) with green stuff coming out of his nose (yum), his eye crusted shut, and a fever. Lovely. At that appointment they determined he had a nasal infection (basically a sinus infection, except he doesn't have sinuses yet), pink eye, and (you guessed it) an ear infection. Presumably the first infection never cleared fully. So, this time we walked out of the office with Omnicef. Something I had never heard of.
10 days pass, medicine runs out. Pink eye is clear. Nose is still a bit gunky but not too bad, but he's still quite miserable. We call on January 8th. Bring him in. Nurses and pedi say "sometimes sinuses and ear together take 2 rounds of antibiotic, no worries." Second round of Omnicef. Only go for 7 days this time. Mmmmkay.
Are we catching where this is going?
Last friday night he started refusing the bottle. If there is one thing Levi never refuses, it's food. He's 18.5 lbs for goodness sake! He generally eats 4-5 6oz bottles a day. For the next 6 days (it's still continuing) he refuses to eat even 3 bottles. I am lucky to be getting 12-15 oz in him. And the sleep, or should I say, lack of sleep. From Friday - Tuesday he was waking every 20-40 minutes. It was awful. If Matt and I were that miserable, I can't imagine how bad he was feeling.
So, back to the pedi office we go on Tuesday. Ears are red but they can't tell if he is still getting better from the last infection or if it's the start of a new infection. Come back Thursday for his 6 month appointment and shots and we'll check him again. Oh, and the mucous and phlegm don't sound stuck, no bronchitis- Thank the Good Lord. Pedi tells us to use benadryl and ibuprofen at night to try and help him.
Cue Thursday- today. Still no eating, boo. We went to our evening appointment and sure enough, both ears are bright red. No bulging, so if it is a new infection it's not that bad yet. This pedi (we've seen 2) looks at his charts and realizes that he has been on antibiotics for 30 of the last 60 days. In his words, he is nervous about more antibiotics because he doesn't want him to get "gut rot." Lovely. He's wondering if he should have a round of steroids but quickly dismisses that.
In the end, we leave with a light prescription for a z-pac. We have to go back on the 21st. At that point it will have been basically 3 months since the ear infection was first discovered. If, at that point, the ears are still showing signs of infection we have to go off to the ENT. He's really too young for tubes, but the pedi thinks it could be a structural issue that is keeping everything from draining.
So yeah. I think Levi wants to be an only child.
However, the boy does really like him some paper.
Levi has had his share of, ahem, issues in his short 6 months. Born early, wouldn't eat, jaundice, thyroid issues, swine flu, reflux... oh and that pesky little thing called colic. Ugh, colic. I wouldn't wish that on an enemy.
And it continues. To give some background, Levi went in to the pedi office on December 7th because he had a nasty cough and screamed when we tried to lay him down for bed or naps. Sure enough, ear infection. They put him on some amoxocillin and sent us on our way. We were naive and full of hope. And dang if Levi didn't love that stuff, I mean, who didn't as a kid?!
We thought he was getting better until he starting having a gross runny nose around Christmas. He woke the morning of his 5 month appointment (December 28th for those keeping track) with green stuff coming out of his nose (yum), his eye crusted shut, and a fever. Lovely. At that appointment they determined he had a nasal infection (basically a sinus infection, except he doesn't have sinuses yet), pink eye, and (you guessed it) an ear infection. Presumably the first infection never cleared fully. So, this time we walked out of the office with Omnicef. Something I had never heard of.
10 days pass, medicine runs out. Pink eye is clear. Nose is still a bit gunky but not too bad, but he's still quite miserable. We call on January 8th. Bring him in. Nurses and pedi say "sometimes sinuses and ear together take 2 rounds of antibiotic, no worries." Second round of Omnicef. Only go for 7 days this time. Mmmmkay.
Are we catching where this is going?
Last friday night he started refusing the bottle. If there is one thing Levi never refuses, it's food. He's 18.5 lbs for goodness sake! He generally eats 4-5 6oz bottles a day. For the next 6 days (it's still continuing) he refuses to eat even 3 bottles. I am lucky to be getting 12-15 oz in him. And the sleep, or should I say, lack of sleep. From Friday - Tuesday he was waking every 20-40 minutes. It was awful. If Matt and I were that miserable, I can't imagine how bad he was feeling.
So, back to the pedi office we go on Tuesday. Ears are red but they can't tell if he is still getting better from the last infection or if it's the start of a new infection. Come back Thursday for his 6 month appointment and shots and we'll check him again. Oh, and the mucous and phlegm don't sound stuck, no bronchitis- Thank the Good Lord. Pedi tells us to use benadryl and ibuprofen at night to try and help him.
Cue Thursday- today. Still no eating, boo. We went to our evening appointment and sure enough, both ears are bright red. No bulging, so if it is a new infection it's not that bad yet. This pedi (we've seen 2) looks at his charts and realizes that he has been on antibiotics for 30 of the last 60 days. In his words, he is nervous about more antibiotics because he doesn't want him to get "gut rot." Lovely. He's wondering if he should have a round of steroids but quickly dismisses that.
In the end, we leave with a light prescription for a z-pac. We have to go back on the 21st. At that point it will have been basically 3 months since the ear infection was first discovered. If, at that point, the ears are still showing signs of infection we have to go off to the ENT. He's really too young for tubes, but the pedi thinks it could be a structural issue that is keeping everything from draining.
So yeah. I think Levi wants to be an only child.
However, the boy does really like him some paper.
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