I’m sort of feeling like a bad mom today. I realized that, although we have gotten well over 3 feet of snow in the last month, I have no pictures of my child in it. Even worse? He hasn’t been out in it. What kind of North East US winter childhood is that? The issue is that he doesn’t have any snow gear, and although I keep meaning to go get him some, I keep forgetting. We are scheduled to get some more (a small amount) snow this Saturday night and again next Tuesday. So, I am making a (small, possibly silly) goal of getting Levi out in some fresh snow and having some evidence to show for it! I’m not sure how much more snow we will get now that it’s February, so if the snow suits/boots aren’t on sale, I will probably buy them too big and just let him swim in them this year. I’m kind of cheap like that. ;)
I personally love snow. I know a lot of people are sick of it, but I don’t mind it. It’s not nearly as much fun when you don’t get a snow day, though. I found that out this week! Grown up jobs are kind of lame. I am starting to think I’m getting Winter Blahs- different than the Winter Blues. I need some sunshine and fresh air! I only wish there was a way to hang out outside in the pretty snow without being super cold. Egh. It doesn’t help that it was gray/dark for most of the last 2 weeks, so, even though I sit in front of 2 large windows, I’m not getting any natural light.
Speaking of grown up jobs, I’m starting to wonder what I’m going to do once I’m done with school. I have all sorts of dreams, ideas, and plans. Unfortunately, the ones that I think would be the most fulfilling are the most uncertain. It’s difficult to balance the fact that my family needs some financial security with the fact that I have a vision for what I want to do, and feel I have a calling on my life, that doesn’t promise stable (or really even a lot) of money. It’s difficult to think, “Well, if I take this job where I sit at a desk 5 days a week, I could buy a new house by the end of the year. But… if I follow my “calling” full time, I may not be in a house, in a better school district and with room for a larger family, any time soon.” It’s something I’m struggling with a lot lately. I’ve been in school for about 23 straight years and, although I’ve held a job for most of the last 10 years, none of them have been “careers”. Now that I am facing that time, the time when my PhD should be coming to an end, I’m having a bit of an identity crisis.
I know for a fact that I don’t want to go immediately into being a professor. I just don’t want to be a part of academia right now. I need a break. So, at least I have that settled for me. I wouldn’t mind being a teacher in a smaller, more hands on setting. I would really like to do ministry full time. I could be a pretty good applicant for a high-paying office job. I guess I should just throw some eggs into each basket (apply around) and let God take care of my path. In a perfect world, I would become a Church (and/or Religious Media/Organization) consultant, make enough money to comfortably (and reliably) support my family, and be able to continue to serve in the areas of Youth and Social Justice in Cohoes.
Growing up, the adults in my life didn’t have traditional jobs. My parents were pastors and my, old enough to be a grown-up, sister was an accountant. All I knew of life was that adults got jobs where they could go on vacation for 2 weeks at a time, that one of my parents could take me to an appointment at any time of day, and that someone was home when I got off the school bus. My best friend’s mom growing up was a dance studio owner, so I never met reality there either. It wasn’t until I got pregnant that I started to wonder, “What do people with real jobs do with their kids during summer?” I realized just how clueless I was.
My reality is that I may need a 40-hour a week job. I know that isn’t the end of the world, but it would mean less time with my family and less time available for ministry. Basically, I have to leave this one up to someone other than me. I need to trust that if I put in the work, God will take care of the rest.
Now that this post has transformed into a rambling diatribe on everything and nothing, I’ll be done. Ooh, but coming up? My 101 in 1001 list. One of my goals is to blog every day for a month- aren’t y’all in for a treat! :)
